There is a question I believe more of us need to sit with, and it’s one that requires us to be completely honest with ourselves. Do you actually trust God, or do you simply say that you do? Because one thing I’ve come to recognize is that many people profess their trust in God without ever fully surrendering their lives to Him. They believe in Him, they pray to Him, and they may even read His Word, but when it comes to allowing God to lead their lives, there are still conditions attached to that surrender.

You say you trust God, but you’re negotiating the terms of your surrender. And the terms of your surrender are not up for negotiation when you choose to let God lead your life and live by the Spirit. That may be uncomfortable to hear, but surrender was never meant to be an arrangement where we decide which parts of God’s Word we’re willing to follow and which parts we’d rather disregard. If we’re going to say that we trust God, we have to be willing to accept that His wisdom is greater than our own, even when His instructions challenge everything we’ve come to believe about ourselves and the world around us.

Why is it so difficult to surrender?

Human beings have a natural inclination to seek understanding. We want to know what’s going to happen, how something will unfold, why certain circumstances are occurring, and whether the outcome will align with what we’ve envisioned for ourselves. Uncertainty can be deeply uncomfortable, especially when we’re accustomed to making decisions based on what we believe is best for our lives. We want reassurance that the things we’re pursuing will work out, and when we don’t receive that reassurance, fear can begin to influence our decisions.

But trusting God requires us to accept that we will not always understand what He’s doing. Proverbs 3:5-6 instructs us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and not lean on our own understanding. Think about what that actually requires of us. We’re being called to trust God beyond the limitations of our own knowledge, experiences, and expectations. We’re being asked to acknowledge that what we believe is best for ourselves may not be what God has planned for us.

And I believe this is where many people struggle. We become attached to the lives we’ve imagined, the relationships we want, the careers we pursue, and the identities we’ve spent years developing. We convince ourselves that certain things are meant for us because we desire them so strongly. But desire alone does not determine whether something belongs in our lives. Sometimes the very thing we’re praying for is something we need to release, and accepting that possibility requires a level of trust that goes beyond simply believing God exists.

God knows what’s better for us than we know for ourselves. When we begin accepting that truth, we also have to become willing to release the belief that our own plans should always prevail.

Your desires are not God’s instructions

One of the things I’ve become increasingly aware of is how much emphasis our society places on identifying and pursuing personal desires. We’re encouraged to discover what makes us happy, determine what we want out of life, and pursue those things with confidence. Yet we’re not nearly as often taught how to examine our desires, recognize sin, and turn away from what contradicts God’s Word.

We are often taught how to identify our own desires and follow our desires, but we’re not often taught how to rebuke sin. And that distinction matters because many of the desires we develop are influenced by the world around us. We grow up absorbing beliefs about happiness, success, independence, relationships, and personal freedom without necessarily examining whether those beliefs align with Scripture.

There is also a misconception that because human beings are capable of doing something, God must have placed that desire or ability within them for that purpose. But human capability is not evidence of divine approval. God has given humanity abilities that can be used for good, yet human beings have also chosen to use those abilities in ways that cause harm and contradict His instructions. The existence of a desire does not automatically make that desire righteous.

In 1 Corinthians 10:23, Paul addresses the distinction between what may be permissible and what is beneficial or constructive. In 1 Corinthians 6:12, he also warns against allowing ourselves to become mastered by anything. These teachings challenge us to consider more than whether we have the freedom or ability to make a particular choice. We have to examine whether that choice is spiritually beneficial and consistent with how God calls us to live.

Galatians 5:16-17 teaches us about the conflict between the desires of the flesh and the Spirit. When we surrender our lives to God, we are making a commitment to stop allowing fleshly desires to govern our decisions. That means desires that contradict Scripture must be surrendered, regardless of how familiar, pleasurable, or deeply rooted they may be.

Stop negotiating with Scripture

Another thing I believe we need to confront is our tendency to approach Scripture with conclusions we’ve already made about how life should work. We bring our personal experiences, cultural conditioning, preferences, and beliefs into our reading of God’s Word. And when we encounter something that challenges those beliefs, we sometimes begin searching for ways to reinterpret the instruction rather than allowing ourselves to be corrected by it.

There is a difference between studying Scripture to gain understanding and attempting to reinterpret Scripture so that it accommodates what we already want to believe. We should absolutely ask questions, study the historical and biblical meaning of passages, and seek a deeper understanding of God’s Word. But that pursuit should come from a willingness to learn, not a determination to make Scripture agree with our desires.

Scripture is not something we get to cherry-pick according to our personal comfort. If we’re willing to accept God’s instructions only when they align with what we already believe, then we have to ask ourselves whether we’ve actually surrendered to His authority.

Second Timothy 4:3-4 warns about people turning toward teachings that satisfy their own desires rather than receiving sound doctrine. That warning is especially relevant when we consider how easily personal preferences can influence what we’re willing to accept as truth.

I think about how strongly Western culture encourages self-reliance, individual achievement, and prioritizing ourselves. Many of us have been taught that independence is one of the greatest qualities a person can possess. Yet when we study Scripture, we encounter repeated teachings about humility, community, serving others, and recognizing our dependence on God.

Ecclesiastes challenges the value we place on so many worldly pursuits. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 reminds us of the importance of companionship and mutual support, while other passages throughout the book examine the fleeting nature of wealth, achievement, pleasure, and human striving. These teachings can challenge beliefs we’ve carried for most of our lives.

And that’s part of what obedience requires. Sometimes we have to let go of things we’ve always believed were right because God’s Word is showing us something different. Romans 12:2 calls us not to conform to the patterns of this world but to be transformed through the renewing of our minds. That transformation requires us to be willing to examine what we’ve learned, accept correction, and change how we live.

Surrender requires a changed life

When you give your life to God and ask Him to lead you, you cannot expect to continue living exactly as you did before. Your choices, habits, priorities, and behaviors have to begin reflecting the commitment you’ve made. You cannot continue allowing the same fleshly desires to govern your life while claiming that you’ve surrendered those desires to God.

This can mean reevaluating friendships, romantic relationships, social environments, personal ambitions, and routines that have become normal parts of your life. Perhaps you’ve spent years going out drinking and participating in environments where drunkenness and other behaviors that contradict Scripture are normalized. Surrender may require you to change how you socialize, where you spend your time, and what you choose to participate in. Ephesians 5:18 specifically warns against drunkenness, and the broader call to live by the Spirit requires us to examine the influences we willingly allow into our lives.

These changes aren’t always easy because familiarity can make certain behaviors difficult to release. We become comfortable with our routines, even when those routines aren’t spiritually beneficial. Sometimes we’re afraid of what our lives will look like without the relationships, activities, or identities we’ve grown accustomed to. But if we’re truly allowing God to lead, we have to be willing to leave behind what no longer aligns with His Word.

Luke 9:23 speaks about denying ourselves and taking up our cross daily. That word daily matters because surrender is not a one-time declaration. It’s a commitment we continue making through the choices we face, the temptations we encounter, and the decisions we make about how we’re going to live.

Repentance is not optional

We cannot have an honest conversation about surrender without addressing repentance. Repentance is not simply acknowledging that we’ve done something wrong or feeling guilty about our choices. It requires us to turn away from sin and begin changing the behaviors that led us there.

And we need to stop confusing God’s grace with permission to continue doing the same things over and over again. If you knowingly choose to continue participating in sin because you believe you can simply ask for forgiveness afterward, you’re treating grace as an excuse to avoid repentance.

Romans 6:1-2 directly confronts the idea that we should continue sinning because grace is available to us. Paul rejects that reasoning because grace was never intended to become permission for us to remain committed to sinful behavior.

Now, this doesn’t mean that surrendering your life to God makes you incapable of stumbling. None of us are free from sin, and none of us are beyond the possibility of making mistakes. We all have areas where we struggle, and some behaviors require persistent prayer, self-examination, discipline, and time to overcome.

But there’s a difference between struggling with something you’re genuinely working to surrender and deliberately continuing in behavior you have no intention of changing. When you’re truly surrendered, correction becomes easier to receive because you’re no longer spending so much energy defending your choices. You’re willing to acknowledge where you’ve gone wrong without immediately searching for excuses that make you feel better about what you’ve done.

Proverbs 12:1 speaks directly to the importance of receiving correction, and Hebrews 12:11 reminds us that discipline can be painful in the moment while producing righteousness and peace in those who are trained by it. Growth requires us to be teachable, and surrender requires us to be willing to change.

Allow God to prune your life

One of the most meaningful changes in my own understanding of surrender came through studying Ecclesiastes and Proverbs. As I spent more time reflecting on those books, I began examining the things I wanted and questioning what was driving those desires. I started recognizing how many things we chase in this world are temporary. We can become so consumed with obtaining something that we convince ourselves our happiness or fulfillment depends on having it, only to discover that the desire itself was fleeting.

I began asking myself why I wanted certain things and whether those desires were truly aligned with the life God was calling me to live. And I started noticing changes in myself. There have been things I felt strongly about pursuing that eventually lost their appeal altogether. Recently, I spent time debating something internally, and within a week, the desire was completely gone. I no longer wanted what I had been considering.

I’ve also been examining something much more personal. Over the years, I’ve developed what I call my shield. I’m a guarded person, and while that doesn’t mean I’m emotionally closed off, I recognize that some of the protective behaviors I’ve developed can resemble avoidance. There are rules I’ve created for myself because of experiences where I’ve been hurt, disappointed, or let down by others. Those rules were intended to protect me from experiencing certain things again.

But I’ve come to recognize that some of those rules can also prevent me from receiving love, support, and genuine connection. They can become tied to pride and the belief that I need to protect myself from every possibility of being hurt. Through my relationship with God, I’ve been learning to surrender those protective rules without abandoning discernment. I can remain mindful of who I allow into my life while also learning to trust that there are people who can walk beside me, support me, and be trusted with parts of my inner world.

That has been part of my own surrender. I’m learning to release rules I created because of pain rather than continuing to allow those experiences to determine how I receive people today.

And this is why I think about surrender through the image of a beautiful bonsai tree. A bonsai doesn’t become beautifully shaped through one moment of attention. It requires consistent care, trimming, pruning, and cultivation. The person tending to it must recognize what needs to be removed so that the tree can continue developing in a healthy direction.

I believe something similar happens when we genuinely surrender our lives to God. Through consistent prayer, studying Scripture, self-examination, and obedience, we begin recognizing things that no longer belong in our lives. Certain behaviors become less appealing. Some relationships begin to change. Desires we once held tightly may gradually lose their influence over us.

John 15:1-5 speaks about God as the gardener and the pruning of branches that bear fruit so they may become even more fruitful. That passage reminds me that spiritual growth requires continued attention and a willingness to be shaped.

Pruning can be uncomfortable because it often involves releasing something we’ve become attached to. But discomfort doesn’t mean the process is without purpose. Sometimes we have to release what we’ve been holding on to before we can recognize how much it has been influencing our lives.

An unanswered prayer is information

Another important part of trusting God is learning how to respond when our prayers aren’t answered in the way we expected. I believe we often approach prayer with a particular outcome already in mind. We know what we want, and we’re hoping God will make it happen. But when that outcome doesn’t materialize, we may begin questioning whether God has heard us or why things aren’t unfolding according to our expectations.

I’ve come to understand that an unanswered prayer is information. Sometimes the timing isn’t right. Sometimes what we’re asking for isn’t meant for us. And sometimes the absence of the answer we’re hoping for should encourage us to examine the desire behind the prayer itself.

Are we praying for something because it aligns with God’s Word, or because it satisfies a desire we’ve become attached to? Are we asking God to guide us, or are we asking Him to approve a decision we’ve already made?

There are prayers I’ve made that I’m grateful weren’t answered the way I originally wanted. Looking back, I can recognize that some of the things I desired weren’t necessarily what I needed. That realization has helped me become more intentional about examining the root of my desires rather than assuming that wanting something strongly means I’m supposed to have it.

First John 5:14 speaks about the confidence we can have when asking according to God’s will. That is an important part of prayer because it reminds us that our relationship with God isn’t built around convincing Him to fulfill every desire we bring before Him.

Sometimes trusting God means continuing to pray while accepting that we may not receive the answer we want. It means learning how to sit in uncertainty without allowing fear to push us into decisions we haven’t been led to make.

Do you trust God enough to let Him lead?

I believe one of the greatest barriers to surrender is our unwillingness to release control. We want God to guide us, but we also want to know where He’s taking us. We want His protection, but we struggle when that protection may involve losing something we deeply desire. We want His wisdom, but we sometimes resist the correction that comes when His Word challenges what we’ve believed.

And yet, if we truly believe that God knows what’s best for us, why are we so determined to maintain authority over the very things we’re asking Him to lead?

This is something I believe we all need to examine honestly, myself included. Surrender isn’t about reaching a point where we never stumble or struggle again. It’s about continually choosing to live by the Spirit, remaining open to correction, and refusing to make excuses for the things we know we’re being called to change.

If you’re struggling to surrender, I would encourage you to begin with prayer. Ask God to reveal what you’ve been holding on to, what desires may be leading you away from Him, and what beliefs or behaviors need to change. Ask Him to remove what is not of Him from your heart, your mind, and your life. And don’t treat that prayer as something you say once and forget about. Return to it consistently while continuing to study His Word and examine your choices.

Be willing to recognize when something needs to change, even when that change is uncomfortable. Be willing to release what you’ve become attached to, even when you don’t fully understand what comes afterward. And be willing to receive correction without immediately trying to defend the very thing you’re being asked to surrender.

Because ultimately, the question isn’t whether you believe God exists or whether you know how to say that you trust Him. The question is whether you’re willing to allow that trust to change how you live.

Do you actually trust God enough to surrender the life you’ve planned for yourself and allow Him to lead you into the life He’s calling you to live?

That’s a question only you can answer, and I pray you’ll be honest with yourself when you do.

xo jessica.