I tell people straight up: I judge. I don’t mean I judge people for how they look, what they do for work, or when they come to me in a vulnerable space. That kind of judgment is cruel, self-righteous, and not what God is talking about. What I’m talking about is discernment. I judge situations, the energy in the room, and the character and intentions of people. I judge when Spirit nudges me because that judgment is what keeps me safe. And not just me, sometimes it protects the people around me too. But somewhere down the line, society has misconstrued what judgment truly means.

When discernment saved me

I’ll never forget when I was twenty years old, hanging out at someone’s apartment with my friends. Nothing seemed off on the surface, but my gut was telling me to leave. The feeling was so strong it was like Spirit was yelling at me, “Get out. Something is about to happen.” I told my friends we had to bounce. They didn’t question me, and we left. Five minutes later, the cops showed up at that apartment. If we had stayed, I could have ended up with a record. Instead, I listened, I judged the situation for what it really was, and I stayed safe. That is righteous judgment.

What spirit really says about judgment

Across spiritual teachings, judgment is often misunderstood. Let’s start by taking a look at the Christian Bible. In Matthew 7:1 it says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” People in this society have taken that phrase and ran with it to apply across all planes. And usually what I find is a lot of people in society today are throwing that phrase around when it comes to somebody holding them accountable. But that is not the truth. The Bible is not telling us to stay silent about toxic behavior or to excuse destructive patterns. It is a warning against judging people by their appearance, their financial status, or other surface aspects of life. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Those have become the very things society judges people for instead of judging by what really matters, the merit of their character.

John 7:24 says, “Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.” What God is saying is that you should not be judging someone by how they look or by what they have. You should be judging based on their character, their actions, how they treat other people, and how they treat themselves. That is what it means to make a right judgment. Discernment is how we spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically protect ourselves.

Even in the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna urges that action and speech flow from wisdom, not attachment or illusion. The Qur’an calls believers to stand firmly for justice, even if it means speaking against themselves or their own family (4:135). Buddhism teaches that a wise person does not live by appearances but cuts through illusion to see what is real. Different languages, same message: discernment is sacred. Without discernment, you walk blind, and with it you are walking safe.

Why discernment matters

Over time, society has watered down what judgment really means. The phrase “don’t judge” gets thrown around as if it’s wisdom, but most of the time it is used to avoid accountability. People want to silence anyone who is discerning enough to see that something is wrong. But judgment and condemnation are not the same thing. Discernment keeps you grounded. Condemnation tears people down.

On a cultural level, the phrase “don’t judge” likely traces back to the older idiom “don’t judge a book by its cover,” which has been around since the 1800s. That saying was about not making shallow judgments based only on appearances. Interestingly, that lines up with what scripture says about avoiding judgment based on how someone looks or the surface of their life. The problem is that somewhere along the way, the phrase was shortened to simply “don’t judge,” and with that, much of the original meaning was lost. What started as advice against superficial judgment turned into a blanket statement against criticism altogether, and that is invalid.

If I were talking to someone younger who believed “don’t judge” meant they couldn’t call out poor character traits or unhealthy choices that harm them or someone close to them, I would tell them not to confuse the two. God, Spirit, whatever name you use, never asked us to stay silent about harmful things. The ask is that we avoid becoming hypocrites who condemn others without looking at ourselves. That is the difference.

Holding yourself accountable

For me, discernment always applies to situations and energy. It never applies to someone’s looks, status, or vulnerabilities. And when someone I love comes to me in confidence, I don’t throw judgment at them. I listen. I reflect back what they’re saying. I let them process what they need to process. That is how I hold myself accountable so that my judgment stays righteous and not destructive.

This is key righteous judgment protects you. Destructive judgment makes you cruel. Everyone judges, whether they admit it or not. The real question is whether your judgment comes from ego or from Spirit.

Discernment is not something to fear. It is something to practice. It is how you protect yourself and stay aligned with wisdom, love, and truth.

xo jessica