One of my biggest pet peeves is the misuse of the word “friend.” For me, the term carries significant weight and comes with considerable expectations. My favorite description of friendship is found in the Bible. Although I am no longer a Christian, I appreciate the Bible’s portrayal of friendship, which I believe articulates the essence and expectations of true friendship better than any other source.

The Bible offers basic guidelines on what constitutes a good friendship. Here are some key passages that resonate with me:

“Good friends add so much joy to life. They give us good advice, even when it’s hard to hear. They stand by our side when others would leave. They care about us holistically and help us when life gets hard.”

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” — Proverbs 27:6, ESV

“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” — Proverbs 12:26, NIV

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” — Proverbs 18:24, NIV

Similar sentiments are echoed in many religious texts and cultural teachings around the world. In my own journey, I believe that friends should act on their words. True friendship is evident in actions, not just in declarations. Deep, meaningful relationships are my preference, as I find superficial connections unfulfilling.

In my early twenties, I had numerous shallow relationships with people I would drink and smoke with, but these left me feeling empty and alone. As I approached my thirties, I distanced myself from those individuals because they added no value to my life. I recommend everyone periodically assess their friendships. Ask yourself, “What do these people bring to my life?” This question helps clarify whether your friendships are mutual and fulfilling. Friendships require effort from both parties and should be built on selfless, unconditional love. It’s about being there for each other, holding each other accountable, and offering support through struggles.

Many people often equate the word “relationship” with romantic connections, but friendships and family relationships also require communication, equal give-and-take, understanding, and compromise. Mature individuals tend to seek closer, more meaningful connections, resulting in a tight-knit circle of friends and many acquaintances.

Acquaintances are not the same as friends. While you may care for them and get along well, they are not the people you rely on in times of crisis. Friendships demand more effort and nurturing compared to acquaintanceships.

To foster deeper, more vulnerable friendships, start by communicating openly with your friend about your expectations and feelings regarding the relationship. Spend time together, engage in activities that interest both of you, and build comfort and trust. Human beings thrive on comfort and familiarity, so the more time you spend with someone, the easier it becomes to open up.

However, be vulnerable but not foolish. It’s crucial to recognize when someone is taking advantage of your kindness. Maintain boundaries, even with long-term friends, to ensure mutual respect and prevent emotional drain.

The Bible also offers wisdom on recognizing bad friends:

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” — Proverbs 13:20, NIV

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” — Proverbs 22:24-25, NIV

“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” — Proverbs 16:28, NIV

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.'” — 1 Corinthians 15:33, NIV

True friendship is a profound connection that enriches our lives. It requires effort, honesty, and mutual respect. By understanding and nurturing our friendships, we can build stronger, more meaningful relationships. Evaluate your friendships regularly, communicate openly, and maintain healthy boundaries. Remember, the quality of your friendships significantly impacts your overall well-being and happiness. Choose your friends wisely, and strive to be the kind of friend you wish to have.

With Love Jessica xo